POST YOUR JOKES HERE

[Exploited]

Is there a person who do not hate lawyers? That's a basis for a new joke

[NiKSY]

There sure is.. Criminals love lawyers...its a mutual thing...

[Joka X]

WHY LADIES MUST KNOW HOW TO SPEAK ENGLISH

One day, an Ang Moh (englishman) from USA arrived at KLIA Airport.
After he checked out from the customs,
he felt he needed to go to the toilet, so he looked for one.

When he found the toilet, there was a lady sitting at the entrance. When he was about to enter the toilet,
the lady stopped him and asked for forty cents in Cantonese ("sey kok").
The Mat Salleh wondered why in MALAYSIA
they have to "see the cock" before entering the toilet?
So he said "no" but the lady insisted.
Since he had no choice, he took out his cock and showed it to her.

The lady said "No! No! Duit, Duit!" (money in Malay),
but the Ang Moh misunderstood again and thought that she said "Do it! Do it!" So he asked, "Now? Here?"
The lady replied "Yes,  yes!" because she doesn't quite understand English.

The Ang Moh thought that she wanted to have sex with him,
so he stripped the lady and made love to her.
The lady started screaming and shouted, "SAKIT! SAKIT!" (pain in Malay),
and the Ang Moh thought it was "SUCK IT! SUCK IT!"

He said "OK! I will suck it for you" and took both breasts and suck them. The lady again screamed "Oh, TUHAN!" (Oh, MY GOD....in Malay).
The Ang Moh misunderstood again. "Too HARD?
OK, sweetheart, I'l l be gentler a bit," the Ang Moh replied.

Suddenly, a security guard walked by, so the lady shouted for help, "TOLONG! TOLONG, ENCIK!"
The Ang Moh replied, "Not too long, just 6 inches only."
 

[Jithin]

WHY LADIES MUST KNOW HOW TO SPEAK ENGLISH

One day, an Ang Moh (englishman) from USA arrived at KLIA Airport.
After he checked out from the customs,
he felt he needed to go to the toilet, so he looked for one.

When he found the toilet, there was a lady sitting at the entrance. When he was about to enter the toilet,
the lady stopped him and asked for forty cents in Cantonese ("sey kok").
The Mat Salleh wondered why in MALAYSIA
they have to "see the cock" before entering the toilet?
So he said "no" but the lady insisted.
Since he had no choice, he took out his cock and showed it to her.

The lady said "No! No! Duit, Duit!" (money in Malay),
but the Ang Moh misunderstood again and thought that she said "Do it! Do it!" So he asked, "Now? Here?"
The lady replied "Yes,  yes!" because she doesn't quite understand English.

The Ang Moh thought that she wanted to have sex with him,
so he stripped the lady and made love to her.
The lady started screaming and shouted, "SAKIT! SAKIT!" (pain in Malay),
and the Ang Moh thought it was "SUCK IT! SUCK IT!"

He said "OK! I will suck it for you" and took both breasts and suck them. The lady again screamed "Oh, TUHAN!" (Oh, MY GOD....in Malay).
The Ang Moh misunderstood again. "Too HARD?
OK, sweetheart, I'l l be gentler a bit," the Ang Moh replied.

Suddenly, a security guard walked by, so the lady shouted for help, "TOLONG! TOLONG, ENCIK!"
The Ang Moh replied, "Not too long, just 6 inches only."
 

Please dont let this thread go this way.. I'm getting tempted to edit this one..

[Joka X]

alright...i'm sorry...it'll be one time only...

[error398]

CONFUSING ENGLISH

1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?   

2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?   

3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?   

4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 

5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 

6. Why the man who invests all your money called a broker?   

7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to Make terrible? 

8. Why is it called building when it is already built? 

9. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?   

10. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do Bars have parking lots?   

11. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around Several times, does he become disoriented?   

12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?? Human

[Jithin]

  
10. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do Bars have parking lots?  

Haha.. Awesome.. ++

[GeozTsai]

...

[Exploited]

[Jithin]

Soldiers capture an intruder at the border. They give him a dice and tell him that if throw between 1 and 5, he would be shot..
The intruder says what if he throws six?
They reply that he’ll get another throw.

[Jithin]

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts!"

The wife sighs and gets him a beer.

Ten minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts!"

She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute!"

The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight! Drink beer and sit in front of that TV! You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore..."

The man sighs and says, "It's started..."

[prasasti]

What's Better: Work, or Prison?

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer. 

In Prison: You get three meals a day free of charge
At Work: You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it

In Prison: For good behavior, you get time off
At Work: For good behavior, you get more work

In Prison: The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
At Work: You must carry a security card and open all the doors yourself

In Prison: You can watch TV and play games
At Work: You could get fired for watching TV and playing games

In Prison: You get your own toilet
At Work: You have to share the toilet with people who pee on the seat

In Prison: They allow your family and friends to visit
At Work: you aren't even supposed to speak To your family

In Prison: All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
At Work: You must pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners

In Prison: You must deal with sadistic wardens
At Work: They are called 'managers'

[Joka X]

alright then....i'll go to prison...

[error398]

will you??

[Jithin]

George W. Bush and Colin Powell (An old joke  ) are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, “Isn`t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?”
The barman says, “Yep, that`s them.”
So the guy walks over and says, “Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?”
Bush says, “We`re planning World War III”.
And the guy says, “Really? What`s going to happen?”
Bush says, “Well, we`re going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one intelligent blonde.
The guy exclaimed, “Intelligent blonde!! Why kill a blonde?”
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, “See, smart ass?! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!”